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Bureau Against Technology and Fun (BATF)

Bureau Against Technology and Fun (BATF)

[Editor's Note: The following News Flash was intercepted from CompuServe. We think it's tongue-in-cheek, but you never know!]

Rumor has it that the BATF (Bureau Against Technology and Fun) has called in the CIA (Computer Intolerance Agency) to ask them to raid all Palmtop users because they've heard rumors that some of us have pirated DOS 7.0 and put it on ROM.

Attorney General Janet Reno has ordered the BATF to pump 10,000 volts through all telephone lines to save our children from being exposed to such senseless criminal behavior. She's scheduled this to occur for thirty seconds, immediately before an advertisement for the new "Barney the Dinosaur hotline," during the Ninja Turtles cartoon show time-slot.

Meanwhile, following up on rumors in the Irrational Enquirer that carrying the 100LX in your pocket may cause cancer, NBC has filmed an expose on the subject. Despite filming from inside a bunker 20 miles from the actual test site, the video camera melted down, scalding the cameraman's son who was nearby reading a copy of MAD Magazine. Congress has taken note of the disaster, and is calling for an immediate voluntary recall of all issues of MAD Magazine. They've also allocated 2.5 million dollars to study the issue of "assault comic books". Senator Ted Kennedy, currently en-route to the French Riviera, is leading a fact-finding mission on this subject.

Back on the Palmtop front, President Bill Clinton has announced a tax on all AA Batteries to fund health care because of all the injuries caused by AA-driven palmtops. This will raise the cost of an AA battery by $4.00, or 900% (which equates to less than 25 cents a day per palmtop and therefore can't be considered significant).

Tony McNamara

CompuServe ID: [76702,1454]

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